A Nightmare before Christmas
by King in Yellow
Summary: A Solstice party at Kim's place gets completely out of hand. Kim and Shego encounter old adversaries and Ron comes to Bonnie's rescue. Best Enemies universe.
1. An Offer You Can't Refuse

Boilerplate Disclaimer: Disney owns the various characters from Kim Possible.

NoDrogs created the twins, whose origin was changed in my stories.

At the end of the chapter I adapted lines from "I Got It from Agnes," a lesser known song by Tom Lehrer.

See my profile for overview of the Best Enemies universe.

**An Offer You Can't Refuse**

At Global Justice headquarters Jan called a message in through the open door of the youngest Team Leader in the organization, "Hey, Kim. You got a call. Some judge on line three."

As she picked up the phone she expected a question about someone GJ had brought in, or possibly a thank-you for some of the recent missions she'd been involved with. It took her a minute to place the voice on the other end.

"Kim, hope you don't mind me calling you at work. I've got something I don't want to ask Sharon."

"Um, excuse me, but who is this?"

"Alice, Alice Armstrong. I hope you haven't forgotten me."

"No, not at all. I just had my mind somewhere else."

The judge laughed, "I don't mind being forgotten. Look, I have a big favor to ask. But I don't know if Sharon will be honest with me. I can be intimidating, and she might be afraid to say no--"

"Really?" Kim asked ironically, "I wonder why." _"Would that be because you're the lawyer who kept her out of jail, a professor at her law school, or a senior partner in the firm where she just started working."_

The judge laughed again, "I'd like to think Middleton's hero has the guts to tell me to drop dead if you think this is a bad idea."

_"Not when you've got Shego's future in your hands."_

"You've been to the Legal picnics in the Spring and Fall," the Judge reminded Kim.

"Yes," Kim answered slowly, wondering where this was going.

"The board and I thought a winter get-together might be fun. You've got so much room at your place I suggested we hold the party there."

Kim did a fast head count of the crowd at the picnics. "I don't think we have room for that many people," she told Alice honestly."

"Oh, sorry. I wasn't clear enough. We invite everyone in the state to the picnics. Hell, people come in from out of state for them. No, this is just for members who live in Middleton. It might be small enough we could all fit in the dining room. But we're not thinking dinner - probably more of a cocktail party."

Kim felt the pressure, but refused to fold quietly, "I'm not sure either of us has the time to plan hosting something like that."

"I think all I'm asking for is use of the house. The Legals will hire a party planner to set up and clean up the next day, and I'll find some caterer to do the cooking. All you and Sharon need to do is smile and shake hands. Oh, and let your twins look cute."

Kim smiled, "That last part sounds easy enough. What date are you thinking?"

"December twenty-second"

"The twenty-second?"

"Winter Solstice. Can't offend the Jewish, Moslem, or any Wiccan members by having a Christmas party now, can we?"

"I suppose not."

"So," the judge continued, "do we have a place for the party?"

"Well, I suppose it's--"

"Great! Call me tomorrow if you change your mind. Day after that I talk with the board."

"Ah, okay." Kim hesitated, "Can I recommend a catering crew? Ron has connections with the hospitality department at the U."

"No problem. Oh, one last point. This is Solstice party so we can be PC. But if you want to have a big Christmas tree there in the entryway I don't think anyone can object. After all, it's your house."

"That's kind of a touchy subject. Shego objects to having a Christmas tree since she's Jewish."

"Will she let you call it a Chanukah bush?"

"Nope, she's clear on that."

"Tell me, Kim. If the Legals spring for a Solstice tree as part of the decorations, do you think she could object?"

"I have great faith in her ability to object."

"Tell her it was my idea and refer her to me. I've got a lot of experience overruling objections. And besides, I can be intimidating."

While Alice maintained her vision of a smallish gathering of Middleton lawyers the Legals were a close-knit group; they're just as close as they can be and just because they really care whatever they get, they share!

Tom heard the news from Agnes, who heard it from Jim. And it must have been Louise who gave it to him. She got it from Mary, who got it from Marie. Daphne passed the news to Sheila, and also to Joan. The news spread through the legal communities in Upperton and Lowerton like an infectious disease. But when Edith got it from her Daddy, who gives her everything (and had been one of the first straight men to join the Legal Lesbians), the news jumped the state boundary because Edith kept in touch with _everyone_ via the Internet.

Several people were a little put out at not receiving official invitations, but Legal functions were always fun and a chance to network with people who might be able to recommend you for job or hire you. Add the novelty of the Legal's first winter gathering and the restored Kringle Mansion and the draw proved irresistible, although without an official invitation most Legals decided to leave children, spouses, significant others, or that amazing person they just met at the bar last Wednesday at home when they went to Middleton for the party.


	2. It’s Beginning to Look Suspicious

Boilerplate Disclaimer: Disney owns the various characters from the Kim Possible series.

**It's Beginning to Look Suspiciously Like Christmas**

Putting up the tree took three people most of the day. The party planner got it in several days before the Solstice party, on an open day on her decorating calendar. It stood a full twelve feet tall in the entryway. The tree might have been more visible to the world in the bay window, but in the entryway it served to greet everyone who opened the door with the spirit of Christmas.

"You can keep the decorations," one of the workers told Ron. "We bought them just for this project."

Kim made it home first that day, with the twins from preschool. The only comment she managed was "Wow." The four year-olds squealed with delight and ran around to see it from every angle.

While Kim stood, marveling at the tree and the twin's reaction, Ron came through on his way to organic chem. "Really something, isn't it KP?"

"It's the biggest tree I've ever seen in a house. Shego is going to go ballistic on me."

"Need me to watch your back?"

"Thanks for the offer. I'll hold one of the girls when she gets in. That should keep me safe. Leave your cell phone on just in case though."

Ron laughed and headed for the door, "Oh, I got a call from Bonnie. She's got to tape a couple more episodes, but she'll be home day after tomorrow. She hopes to stay in Middleton until the second week in January."

Kim left the girls running around the tree and went upstairs to change clothes. Shego arrived before Kim finished, and the redhead heard a loud, "What the!" and quickly pulled on a sweater and ran downstairs.

"Why is there a huge eff-ing tree in here?" the green woman demanded.

Kim said a silent thanks that Shego attempted at least a little moderation in her speech, but her partner appeared even angrier than Kim had anticipated. "It's part of the Legal Solstice party," the redhead said in hopes of calming the furious woman.

"Why in the bloody hell wasn't I told about it? And what does a God-damn tree have to do with Solstice?"

Kim considered picking up Kasy, who was closest to her. "I really thought I'd mentioned the tree to you."

Shego stared blankly at Kim. "You really think I'd forget something like this?"

"Okay, my memory is gone. I really meant to mention it to you. We're both so busy these days that it must have slipped my mind."

Shego took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "Okay, I'm going to pretend you meant to say something about this to me. But you didn't. And you still haven't told me what in the hell it has to do with the Solstice party. Was it your idea to buy this monster?"

"It was Alice's idea. She wanted a tree. The Legals are paying for it."

"Alice, huh?" Shego grunted. "Damn woman always gets things the way she wants them."

"I did it for you, Shego."

Shego rolled her eyes in amazement, "You did this for me?"

"C'mon, Shego, sucking up to the boss is a fine old American tradition. She wanted the tree and I know how much the job means to you. I only said yes to spare you from having to swallow your pride and say yes."

Shego shook her head sadly, "Kim, I am really disappointed in you for lying to me like this."

"Why, how do you want me to lie to you?"

Shego fell silent, and Kim sensed she really was upset. "I'm sorry. Is it really that important to you that we don't have a tree?"

"I don't know," the pale woman finally replied. "I don't know if it's the tree that really bothers me, or just the idea you didn't listen to what I wanted… And I don't think you're being honest and it bothers me."

Kim fell silent herself. "Okay, the truth is that I wanted a tree and didn't object very hard when Alice asked to give us one -- even though I know you didn't want one. But we always had a Christmas tree when I was growing up and it means a lot to me. I feel like you are saying I have to give in to what you want without you meeting me half way."

"A tree means that much to you?"

"Yeah."

Both were silent for a minute. Shego moved behind Kim, and put her arms around the redhead, "This is going to be a problem. I don't know what we can do."

"I'm sorry I didn't talk with you. But to me the tree is part of the time with family. We're family now, you're part of my Christmas tradition. But it was wrong for me to say we have to do it my way."

"And I'm sorry if I over-reacted. I feel like you ignored my opinion and just did it your way. I guess that bothers me more than the tree."

"So next year a tree is okay if I ask you first?"

"Don't push it, Possible," Shego growled, but punctuated her comment with hugging Kim a little tighter.

"Sorry," Kim said, "I shouldn't joke. Can we work on this, seriously, before next year? I do want to respect your opinions and beliefs. But this is a special time of the year for me, and the tree was always the center for that family time to me. I'm hoping you can understand how I feel too."

Shego sighed, "I think this one is going to be ugly. But let's not have the fight right now. And let's agree to play nice when we have it."


	3. Dress Decoded

Boilerplate Disclaimer: Disney owns the various characters from the Kim Possible series.

**Dress De-coded**

Shego had rewarded herself for passing the bar exam on her first attempt by starting work on fixing the library and sun room. Both had been used for little other than basic storage since they moved in more than four years earlier. The sun room took shape more quickly and now simply waited its new, presently undefined, calling. When the work in the library eventually ended Shego planned to use it for a combination home office and tax write-off, but at the moment it remained mostly empty, awaiting a carpenter to build the custom book cases.

Alice gave Shego the day off to supervise party preparations. The party planners arrived and set up buffet tables in the dining room and a portable bar in the once and future library. They brought in an impressive array of sodas, juices, and liquors for the bar, and Shego decided to revise her library renovation plans to include a bar, or at least a well-stocked liquor cabinet – strictly for the benefit of clients.

Chef Dimitri and the catering crew arrived at two. He examined the kitchen at Possible Manor and pronounced it good. He would normally have inspected the facilities earlier, but had talked with Ron and accepted the blond man's opinion. The bartender and assistant arrived an hour before the party was to start.

As the bar crew set up in the library Bonnie told Kim and Shego, "Time to get dressed."

"Time for us. What are you doing -- going to see your parents or hang around the mall?"

"Neither. Ron twisted my arm and got me on serving crew. I'm getting into a tux and passing out canapés."

Kim laughed, "The Legals know how to throw a class party. They've got a Hollywood star serving hors d'œuvres!"

Bonnie smiled, "I'm not sure if daytime television has any stars. I'm betting no one even recognizes me -- although my ego would appreciate it if someone does."

Shego grumbled as she dressed for the party, "Business casual? What in the hell is business casual? What's next, veal salmon? Organic plastic? Artificial reality?"

"I'm pretty sure they've got that last one already," Kim giggled. "It's called television."

As they finished dressing Bonnie knocked on their door, "Can one of you help straighten this tie?"

"Sure," Kim called, "come on in."

"You look hot in that," Shego told her as Kim fussed with the tie for the brunette's tux. "You're going to have to fight lesbians off all night as well as Ron… Oops, my bad. You won't be fighting Ron off."

The twins had gotten on party dresses as soon as they got home from preschool. "Put Smaug in his cage," Kim called before heading downstairs.

"Ah, Mom!" Kasy complained.

"No, 'ah, Mom'," Shego warned her, "we don't want him biting anyone. Make sure the top is on the terrarium nice and tight."

The three women went downstairs, Bonnie headed for the kitchen and Kim and Shego paced in the living room for a few minutes before Judge Armstrong arrived with her partner, Roberta.

"The house is beautiful, dear," Roberta complimented Kim.

"Thanks, Shego and her brothers did a lot of the work. Would you like a tour of the place since those two," she nodded at Shego and the Judge, "are the official hostesses?"

"I'd love one. Let's find a good room for the significant others -- I'm tired of being relegated to the kitchen. And I want to see your girls."

"I think the caterers have the kitchen," the redhead told Roberta. "Want the elevator to the top or stairs?" She looked over at the judge and Shego, "See you two later."

The first guests arrived as Kim was showing Roberta the top floor. By the time they were on the second floor, talking with the twins, Shego had reason to start worrying, and Judge Armstrong realized something had gone horribly wrong.

"I thought you told Kim this was just for Legals in Middleton," Shego whispered sharply during a lull between new arrivals

The judge's smile appeared strained, "Damn it, I only invited Middleton folk! I don't know where in the hell all these people heard about it. I've got no--"

Anything else she meant to say was cut short by the arrival of Steve Crandall, the assistant DA, and his wife. Crandall found that membership in the Legal Lesbians brought him into contact with good potential recruits for the DA's office, and his wife found his membership slightly amusing and enjoyed the fact she didn't have to worry about him having an affair with other members.

"Steve, stand here and greet with Sharon for awhile, I've got to take care of some business," the judge barked.

Mrs. Crandall looked uncertain where to go, and Shego noticed Kim coming downstairs with Roberta and the twins, "Stay with Kim," the pale woman suggested, "I think they're organizing the sane people who're here."

The judge called the party planner on her cell phone, "I've got unexpected party guests coming out my ears. I need another assistant for the bartender and more of the most popular mixers and liquor." She listened for a minute, "Yeah, make it two more cases of wine, but no more imported beer -- domestic will do for party crashers."

Some problems can be fixed by throwing money at them, and it worked for the bar crew. Judge Armstrong took a deep breath and a shot of whiskey to steady her nerves before going into the kitchen to confront the chef. Angry chefs could never be placated as easily, they always feared that a poor meal would be remembered against them sometime later. The judge stopped in the library for another shot after leaving the kitchen. Two of the lowest kitchen workers had been dispatched to Cost Club for cases of frozen appetizers and snacks. She hoped she was as intimidating behind the bench as the chef was in the kitchen… Maybe trading in her gavel for a big honking cleaver would help.

Shego hadn't liked the prosecutor since he asked the jury to give her fifty years in prison, and he had always regarded the probation she received as too light a sentence. But he maintained a professional tone and she refused to give him the satisfaction of losing her temper.

"I heard this was a small party," he whispered. "Alice encouraged me to bring my wife."

"We don't know what's happening," Shego answered, looking out and seeing several more people walking towards the front door. "I don't know if we have room for everybody, and I think Alice is checking on supplies of liquor and food."

Shego proved a more accurate prophet about Bonnie's reception at the party than the actress herself. She found herself being stared at and heard low whispers after she walked through with stuffed mushroom caps.

Finally someone worked up the nerve to say, "You look just like the actress on one of the day time soaps."

Bonnie laughed, "Glad you recognized me."

The woman looked puzzled, "So what are you doing here? Did you get fired?"

"No, I live here. Or, rather I have a room here. I'm here when I'm not in Hollywood."

A couple other Legals moved in closer to hear the conversation, or look at the shapely woman in the tux. "You live here with Kim and Sharon?" the Legal asked.

"Yes," the brunette responded. "We moved in during sophomore year of college. I've kept my room."

Bonnie considered it a fairly innocent question and answer. To the listeners it suggested something else entirely. If Bonnie had been living with two lesbians it seemed like there was a good chance that she might be open to some sort of proposition herself. And thus she began to receive propositions.

Spice commandeered the sun room. Kim had been recruited into Spice, "Plural of spouse," the Legal told Kim at the first picnic she attended with Shego. Kim had intended to stick with the pale woman in a loving and supportive manner through the picnic - or insecure and clinging. But after half an hour of listening to lawyers and law students talk in code to each other the redhead's eyes had started to glaze over and she had fallen prey to the Spice recruiter. They were a ruthless and motley crew who knew only one rule -- "We don't talk law."

Slightly more than a dozen Middleton Spice defended their room, including two gay men, three straight men, and three straight women. On a cold winter night the sun room did not hold enough attractions to make a hostile takeover by lawyers likely, and it was close enough to the bar to please the serious drinkers. The largest group analyzed why the local sports franchises weren't doing better, while Kim and Mrs. Crandall were pillars in the, 'Let's talk about our children' group.

"Speak of the devil," Kim smiled as a four year old with red hair made her way over.

"Mommy," Kasy reported as she hugged Kim's leg, "there are three ladies in your bedroom, and they're naked."


	4. It’s Never So Bad

Boilerplate Disclaimer: Disney owns the various characters from the Kim Possible series.

**It's Never So Bad (That It Can't Get Worse)**

Alice returned to her post beside Shego, allowing the assistant DA to chat informally with two students in their final year at the law school. Legals kept arriving and neither woman was in a good mood when Kim arrived with Kasy in tow. "We've got a problem."

"We know," both women snapped together. "And don't even think about saying 'jinx'," Shego warned Kim.

"I'm very sorry," Alice apologized. "It wasn't supposed to turn out like this."

"And you don't even know what Kasy just saw." Kim turned to the four year old, "Tell them what you told me."

Both women darkened with anger as Kasy repeated her story, and Kim quickly sent Kasy upstairs to be with her sister.

"Bloody hell!" Alice exclaimed when Kasy got out of earshot. "Kim, unless you want to handle this send Roberta up. If I go up the police may charge me with murder. Tell her I don't want to know who it is or I'll never talk with them again."

"I'll go," Shego murmured.

"You stay here," Kim ordered. "I'll ask Roberta. I don't want either one of us arrested."

Bonnie took pride in a more open mind than she actually possessed. During their senior year of college it had become impossible for Kim to embarrass her with stories of what she and Shego did in the bedroom. And the job in Hollywood exposed the brunette to tales which made Kim and Shego's morality seem positively Victorian. But she was receiving phone numbers on slips of papers stuck in her jacket pocket along with winks and whispers of, "Call me later," and her toleration had been stretched dangerously thin.

And it was very fortunate the tray she held on her way back to the kitchen for a refill was empty, because the first time she got a pat on the rear she dropped what she was carrying.

In the kitchen Chef Dimitri and crew got tough under pressure. The combination of pride in performance, a desire to maintain a good reputation, and a hefty additional bonus for all the workers brought out the best in the kitchen staff.

"Ron," the Greek barked, "what grade did I give you when I had you in class?"

"An 'A'." Ron replied as he pulled a tray of mozzarella sticks out from underneath the broiler.

"You deserved higher!"

A server snagged a bottle of wine as he came back through the library. The chef smiled at the label and counted heads, "I want three more," he told the servers. "We're not opening them up until the cooking's done. But if we get through this we deserve it."

At the bar in the library the head bartender cursed under his breath at the new assistant who had arrived with the additional liquid refreshments. Milt had been hired on the strength of being a cousin to one of the partners who owned the firm. While he performed adequately in terms of carrying in boxes and setting up the contents he exhibited an unfortunate habit of pouring one for himself for every five he poured for party goers. And with the crowd pressing around the bar at the old mansion the tending staff was soon back to two, with the unfortunate Milt assuming the position of throw rug.

"This is costing me a fortune," Alice complained to Shego.

"You? I thought it was a Legal function."

"When I said it would just be for members in Middleton the Board wouldn't give me any funds. I'm paying for it myself – the joy of not having kids I need to give an inheritance. But, hell, I'm going back to the Board after this."

_"I'm getting too old for this,"_ Roberta thought to herself as she took the job of bedroom patrol on herself. And the old house had too many bedrooms. By the time she finished going through all the rooms with beds she had to start her tour of duty over again in case anyone had started unscheduled recreational activity since her last bed check.

An hour and a half after the official starting time for the party Shego looked at Alice and breathed a sigh of relief, "Five minutes with no one coming in. The worst may be over. If we don't run out of food, or booze, and house doesn't fall down we'll survive." The judge offered to slip into the library and get them each a glass of wine when Sheki came running down the stairs and made a beeline for Shego.

"Eemah," Sheki called, "Smaug bit a lady."

"Get me two glasses of wine," Shego instructed her boss. "I'll be back after I administer the antidote."

"Antidote?"

"Little fella is poisonous," she explained as she headed upstairs with Sheki. Alice heard Shego ask, "Why wasn't Smaug in his terrarium?"

"The lady took him…" Alice couldn't hear all of the small girl's answer.

"Kim and Shego owe me," Bonnie snarled at Ron in the kitchen. "I've gotten pinched three times!"

"Aw, too bad," Ron replied, trying to sound sympathetic. "Tell Shego, maybe she'll kiss it and make it better."

Bonnie glared at him, "This was your idea; you asked me to help so it's your fault. If anyone needs to kiss me and make me feel better--" Ron grabbed her.

"Just a little down payment," Ron told her as the kiss ended, "if there's anything else you need--"

"Hey, servers away from cooks," Chef Dimitri laughed, "he's supposed to be sterile."

"He's not sterile," Bonnie shot back, "we're just very careful."

Shego didn't know who answered the phone, but word came that she had a call. The green woman felt like it was the last straw.

"What?" she barked into the receiver.

"This is Zita," came a collected voice on the other end, "you need to earn that security retainer Lipsky and Load pay you."

"What are you talking about?"

"Alarm went off out at the lab. Security camera shows three intruders—"

"Can't Chuck or the other security crew handle it?"

"They would handle a routine break-in, they report something unusual. And if they could handle everything we wouldn't need to be paying you money now, would we?"

_"Not like you're paying me very much,"_ Shego thought. "Okay," she grumbled, "I'm on it."

Shego found the Spice to warn Kim, "I'm out of here."

"Where do you think you're going," Kim hissed.

"Got to stop a break-in at the Lab."

"Lipsky and Load?"

"Yeah."

"That's funny. After all the thefts you and Drakken pulled off, now he goes legit and crooks break in to steal from him."

"Real funny," Shego remarked sourly, "I'll laugh later. But I need to get out there."

"Take me with you," Kim begged.

"No way, one of us has to stay here and protect the property."

"Don't leave me here! This insanity is your doing—"

"You're the one who said they could come," Shego hissed.

"Like you would have turned them down?" Shego had no reply and Kim continued, "Besides, how often do we get to work together on something besides house cleaning."

"Like you help with that," Shego snorted. But she grinned at Kim, "Come on, but you're the side kick."

"Partners."

"Side-kick"

"We can continue this discussion on our way out to the lab. But I assume you don't want to attend that function in business casual."


	5. And Now for an Important Announcement

Boilerplate Disclaimer: Disney owns the various characters from Kim Possible.

**And Now for an Important Announcement**

Kim carefully maneuvered the car out between vehicles parked randomly across her yard. As they pulled onto the street two police cruisers stopped at the house. "Almost feel sorry for the cops," Shego remarked.

"Why?"

"You want to tell three judges and four members of the DA's office to keep it down?"

Bonnie considered herself well educated, but had received her fourth invitation to engage in an activity she had never heard of. But while she couldn't place the activity exactly she had an approximate idea of what they were asking, and she was _not_ that kind of girl.

The brunette stormed into the kitchen and grabbed Ron by the arm, "Come out with me."

"I'm a little busy, can it wait?"

"No, it can't."

Chef Dimitri heard the conversation, "How long do you need him?" he growled.

"I can have him back to you in three minutes."

"Go with her," the chef told Ron.

Bonnie dragged Ron over to Alice, "Could you get people's attention?" she asked the judge. "I have an announcement to make."

The judge shrugged, but figured Kim and Shego's disappearance left Bonnie and Ron in charge. If they wanted to direct a threat at the assembled Legals it seemed entirely appropriate, "Okay, People! Listen up!" she barked.

When Judge Armstrong spoke, lawyers listened.

Bonnie's theater training allowed her to project her voice clearly to the majority of the Legals there. "Thank you for giving me your attention. Actually, you've been giving me more attention than I care for. I'm not interested in attention from anyone but my fiancé, Ron Stoppable."

Ron looked startled, "What?" he whispered.

"Kiss me, you idiot," Bonnie whispered back.

The small noise in the background as Ron kissed Bonnie might have been angels singing with joy, or the hearts of a half dozen Legal Lesbians breaking.

Ron took Bonnie by the arm and led her back to the kitchen, "Care to tell me what that was all about?"

"You are the defender of my virtue, my knight in shining armor, my hero."

"I mean really," Ron insisted.

"I was seriously getting hit on, and I figured a fiancé was the easiest way out."

"So we're engaged?"

"Just for tonight," Bonnie assured him. "None of them will remember it tomorrow."

"Well, okay… But we're engaged tonight?"

"Why?"

Ron winked at her, "Maybe we can practice the honeymoon."

Bonnie laughed and kissed him on the cheek. "If being engaged to you keeps me safe for the rest of the evening, you might get lucky."

If Ron had anything further to say or ask Chef Dimitri denied him the opportunity, "Get back to work on the artichoke dip!"

On the drive to the lab Kim suggested, "Maybe we could have asked Helen to show up and empty the place."

"Helen told Sheki she planned to disappear for the night," Shego reported.

"So, ghosts are afraid of lawyers?"

"Apparently."

"I'm not surprised."

At the lab Shego helped Kim pry open a familiar air duct.

"Why in the heck hasn't Drakken gotten rid of these?" Kim whispered as they crawled through. "They invite break-ins."

"You have to be able to evacuate the air in the lab fast in case of an accident."

"But he could put up bars or something in here to keep something as large as a person from getting through."

They saw lights ahead and looked crawled until they could look through a ventilator grill into the loading dock. Below them three figures moved fifty-five gallon drums to a door -- apparently in anticipation of a truck to steal the unknown contents.

Kim tried to place the outfits the three wore, but drew a blank. Shego recognized them. "Damn," she muttered.

"What's wrong?" Kim whispered.

"Forklift suits."

"Forklift suits?

"By Marshall Manufacturing in Go City. They can't really lift as much as a forklift, but it's close. They can maneuver in tight spots in a warehouse where a real forklift wouldn't fit. Those guys can bench press a Cadillac in the suits, and you could drop a ton of scrap metal on them without hurting them."

"So what do we do?"

"Well, Team Go had to go up against them a couple times. Their two weakness are that they're real slow and they don't hold much power. Hit 'em fast and don't let them grab you. And hope they've already expended most of their energy. It took Hego fifteen minutes to wear one down until it was useless. There are three of them and we don't have his strength."

The voices of the trio, muffled by the battle suits they wore and distance, were too indistinct to hear clearly, but it appeared to Kim and Shego that the slightly shorter, bulkier individual was in charge, with the two slim figures following orders. While the two women suspected all three were men the body armor they wore kept identification from being certain.

"Look, I'm not asking you for the plan because I'm admitting you're in charge," Kim told Shego. "But you've fought these before. How do we divide this up when there are three of them and two of us?"

"I'll take on blue, he seems to be in charge. You delay the other two for a minute. I'm thinking I can fry his circuitry with a plasma burst, then I'll rescue my sidekick from red and green."

"Like I'm going to need any help," Kim scoffed.

"You've never faced them before," Shego reminded her. "Slow, but powerful."

Kim would have kicked out the grill, but Shego preferred the challenge of removing the grill from the inside and not giving the trio any warning before they were hit.

They waited until the intruders were almost directly underneath before launching their attack.

Shego lept, hit the figure in blue, and essentially bounced off.

Kim hit the red figure higher, hoping to knock him over on the green figure and take both out before Shego could get started. The red and green crooks lacked the mass of their blue leader, but while she staggered him he did not go down.

Shego rolled to her feet, hands glowing with green fire. She quickly threw both hands at the leader, hitting him with a massive blast of plasma… The attack accomplished nothing, the power absorbed harmlessly. Shego's mouth dropped open in surprise, the intruders had prepared for her. The blue figure ignored her, as if the green woman were too insignificant to bother with.

While Shego's opponent seemed to deliberately insult her by ignoring her, Kim's opponents appeared to take an active interest in grabbing her. As Shego promised, they were slow, and Kim had no trouble evading their attacks, but she wanted to do more than evade. Kim went on the offensive with her grappling line, firing a carom shot which sent the line whipping around the legs of the red crook. She pulled the line tight and managed to topple him.

She was willing to attack a foe while he was down, but green interposed himself. As Kim tried to work around him her eyes widened in awe. Her cable was good for nine-hundred pounds of pressure - but red snapped it like rotten string.

Kim's eyes narrowed as she worked on an effective strategy against enemies she couldn't hurt. The odd part seemed to be the fact neither showed an interest in harming her. Before she and Shego burst into the lab she watched them move with greater speed than they showed now. If they geared down for greater power they would have to know that made them slower. The options which presented themselves were that she faced the dumbest thieves in the world or that they sought to delay her and Shego while something else happened - a bomb going off from which they were protected or serving as a diversion while a greater crime took place elsewhere. Either option made her want to finish the fight more quickly.

"Blast," Shego yelled over at Kim, "he's got some kind of plasma damper in his suit. If I generate enough power to try and override I'm afraid I'll fry some of Doc's experiments."

"Are you noticing anything weird about this fight?" Kim called back.

"Not especially," Shego replied as she lauched a flying kick at the right knee joint. She decided that multiple attacks on a single point might weaken the structural integrity of the suit without her having to exhaust the power supply. "I've gone up against these damn suits before. I'm too fast to get hurt, but we need Hego to go toe to toe with them."

_"Shego is reading too much of her old fights into this,"_ Kim thought as she independently developed a similar strategy and went for the right arm of the red intruder. _"Something weird is going on here."_ Kim got in three good attacks on the arm of the person wearing the red suit. She wasn't sure if she had caused some damage or if they simply figured out her plan, but he turned in such a way to make it harder for her to attack the spot she wanted, and green returned to red's defense.

_"Okay, they are not dumb,"_ Kim told herself. _"That means they aren't trying to hurt us in this fight. So what are they planning?"_

As Kim worked on that puzzle the green woman kicked at the right knee joint again. Like Kim she wondered if her plan of attack might be working as the man in the industrial strength suit picked up a barrel with surprising speed and held it in front of the knee joint.

Kim tried to think of any reason why their opponents would be more interested in delaying them than capturing or harming them. She and Shego represented a greater potential threat if they were free than if they were defeated. Neither a bomb in the lab or a second team of criminals elsewhere provided an adequate reason. Kim felt like she had to be missing something, why were their opponents toying with them rather than fighting them?

Kim's musings, and the fact she faced two opponents, kept her conflict at a slightly lower level.

Unlike Kim, Shego seemed bent on relieving other frustrations by hitting her opponent hard and often. She'd focused enough attention on the knee joint to think she'd caused some structural damage and hit him with a fast burst of plasma, hoping she had weakened the damper field.

The blue figure now circled warily, keeping the knee joint she targeted away from her. She grinned wolfishly, seeing a sign of possible success and trying hard to maneuver where she could attack it again. She wondered briefly about calling in Kim to double-team this opponent, then they could each take one of the other pair after this one went down.

Like Kim, however, Shego noticed her opponent moved faster to protect the vulnerable joint than he had earlier. Kim was right, something odd was happening.

_"They aren't trying to hurt or capture us, they just want to delay us. Who are these guys and what to they want,"_ Kim wondered as the pair circled her. She did not believe they were trying to keep themselves from being damaged, they moved purely to waste time… Kim suddenly realized the fight was futile and stopped, waiting for the green attacker to grab her. He hesitated, wondering what she had in mind.

"Grab me! Go ahead, grab me - I dare you!" Kim shouted at the man in the green suit.

Shego glanced over, "Kim! What are you doing?"

"Trust me," Kim shouted, "and watch out!"

Shego's opponent moved in a threatening manner toward her, distracting the pale woman from Kim.

Kim's green adversary gently reached out and seized her by the shoulders, lifting her into the air. But the power gloves exerted no pressure. He clearly did not want to hurt her and held her loosely enough that she interpreted his action as purely formal -- he expected her to try and escape. The man in the red suit stood by, uncertain what to do with Kim held 'captive'.

The redhead was about to say something to her captor when Shego saw the woman she loved in the hands of one of the trio, "KIM!"

Shego turned her back on the man in blue, and prepared to come to Kim's rescue. Kim smiled at the surprise in store for her partner, when she saw the blue figure lift a fifty-five gallon drum with ease and prepare to heave it at the green woman, "SHEGO! Watch out!"

Warned too late to react properly Shego began to turn, but didn't have time to avoid it or fire a plasma burst at it. Kim watched in horror as a large plastic barrel hit Shego. But the empty plastic container only weighed enough to knock the ex-thief on her ass -- where she sat looking shocked as Kim joined the three men in laughing at her fate.

"What in the hell is going on," Shego demanded, sitting on the floor.

"We just took on my brothers and Drakken," Kim explained. Then she directed a, "You can put me down now," at her captor which resulted in her being carefully lowered to the floor. The trio were still laughing as Kim continued, "But, like Shego, I want to know what in the heck is going on." She gave her partner a hand up from the floor as the three men struggled to unlatch the headpieces on the suits.

"I got a call from Zita," Drakken began.

"Then he called us and said we were needed," Tim continued.

"Something about needing a diversion to preserve your sanity," Jim finished.

"Of course, I explained it was too late for Shego," the blue man quickly ducked behind Tim for safety as Shego unleashed a warning plasma burst over his head.

"Why would Zita set us up," the green woman mused.

"She wouldn't," Kim pointed out. "It had to be someone who knew what was happening in the house tonight."

"So, Bonnie or Ron?" Shego asked.

"Ron. Bonnie and Zita don't speak to each other. Bonnie thinks Zita is still interested in Ron."

Shego gave an evil smile, "So we can pay him back for this wild goose chase by letting Bonnie know he was talking with Zita?"

Kim paused, "Well, that depends… Would you rather have stayed in the house or come here with me and tried to take Drakken's head off?"

"If I can interrupt," Jim cut in, "what is going on at the house that you needed to get away from? It looked like you had some big party happening."

"Wild party," Kim grumbled. "Things got out of hand."

"Naked lesbians invaded our bedroom."

"Cool," Tim commented. "Were you two there at the time -- like an orgy or something?"

"No we were not," Kim told him sharply. "We were being good hostesses and talking with guests."

"Most people behaved," Shego explained. "But too many uninvited guests showed up, and a few of them needed a spanking."

Jim and Tim looked at each other and grinned, "We volunteer!"

Drakken broke in to steer the conversation back into safe territory. "I baked gingerbread men yesterday. I think they came out exceptionally well. Why don't you come to the kitchen and try one with a cup of hot cider before you go home?"


	6. Lessons Learned

Boilerplate Disclaimer: Disney owns the various characters from Kim Possible.

**Lessons Learned**

Drakken's gingerbread men had come out exceptionally well. And Kim preferred leaning against Shego to the idea of returning to insanity central. And Shego paid no attention to the time as she sat there, ignoring Drakken with the ease of long practice, with her arm wrapped around Kim.

"We really need to go back and make sure we still have a house," Shego eventually reminded Kim.

"One more cup of hot apple cider and another gingerbread man?" Kim pleaded. "I really don't want to go back to that."

A half hour later Drakken suggested, "Take some gingerbread men home for the twins," as he wrapped up a half dozen.

"You two coming home soon?" Kim asked her brothers.

"We'll go home when you leave. Can we come up to the house with you? Do you think there are any naked lesbians left?"

"And what would either of you two do with a naked lesbian?" Shego demanded. "You don't have anything she'd be interested in."

"Hey, we just want to look," Tim explained.

"Yeah, no harm in that," Jim echoed.

Kim shook her head, "Then you should have gone home as soon as we figured out who you were. Has it hit you that Shego and I are just killing time because we don't want to go back to a house full of lawyers gone wild?"

"Really," Shego assured them. "One is all your sister can handle. If she's the right one."

"Yes, dear," Kim laughed. "But remember, I made an honest woman out of you."

"Hah! I'm a lawyer, remember?"

"If you two are going to be cute we're going home," Jim grumbled.

"We'll leave too," Kim told them. "Thanks for everything," she told Drakken as he handed her the gingerbread men.

Shego gave the blue man a kiss on the cheek, then the couple followed Kim's brother's out to the lab parking lot for the trip home.

"We need to do this more often," Kim told Shego as they drove back.

"Run away from home?"

"No, silly, get out together in mission gear."

Shego laughed, "You are so the romantic. We've got an anniversary coming up. What would you like me to steal for you?"

Kim and Shego felt grateful that almost all the cars were gone when they arrived home. When they looked in the living room Ron sat in the large easy chair, with Bonnie on his lap and Kasy crowded in beside them. The judge sat in the middle of the couch, with Roberta on her right and Steve Crandall on her left. The assistant DA's wife sat on a smaller chair, with Sheki on her lap. "She's beautiful," Mrs. Crandall told them. "Our Briana is the same age. Maybe we'll bring her next year."

"Next year?" Kim repeated nervously.

"We're going to be more careful," Alice assured them. "Invitation only. You'll have to show it at the door to get in."

"I don't remember being asked about this," Shego muttered.

"Well, you weren't here," Alice reminded them. "Speaking of which, where in the hell were you?"

"We… I got a call about a break-in at Lipsky and Load, Kim went with me to check it out."

"Lipsky and Load called you?"

Kim spoke up, "Shego does some security work for them. They keep her on retainer."

"You have to moonlight? We don't pay you enough?"

Shego panicked slightly, not sure how to answer the question correctly.

"Don't let her play with your head," Roberta told the pale woman. "You are allowed to have a life outside the firm, even if _some_ people don't have one."

The assistant DA's wife addressed Kim, "Honestly, dear, being married to a lawyer is a pain."

The non-lawyers all laughed, Steve Crandall joining them.

Alice steered the conversation back to the original topic, "I will host a Solstice party again next year, I'd like to do it here - if you'll let me. It won't be a repeat of this year, I promise."

Kim and Shego looked at each other. Shego raised an eyebrow and Kim shrugged. "You can," the green woman told her boss, "but no repeat of this zoo."

"And no tree," Kim told her. Sheki was awake enough to groan in protest. "Sorry, it is beautiful. But not next year."

Shego looked at Kim and smiled, then addressed Sheki, "Actually, your mom and I haven't decided on that for sure yet. I don't want her to have to give up something important to her. Mommy and Eemah both want the other one to be happy -- even if we're not always sure how to do it. No promises today, but maybe we'll have another tree."

Kim's right hand sought Shego's left, and each gently squeezed the other's hand. The two joined the general conversation for another twenty minutes, then Alice and Roberta and the Crandalls headed home.

As Kim and Shego got into bed the redhead asked excitedly, "A tree again next year, with no complaints? Really?"

"You're as bad as the four-year olds," Shego complained, drawing her partner close. "I didn't promise anything. I'm just saying we need to try and find a way where we can both be happy. I don't want one of us feeling like the other one dictates family policy, and both of us unhappy is not a good compromise."

"Umm," Kim purred, "let me have a tree next year and I'll see to it that you are very, very happy." Then she stuck her tongue in Shego's ear.

"That is, uh, _very_ nice," Shego told her, "but I meant in terms of, um, you respecting, ah, my Judaism."

Kim took her tongue from Shego's ear long enough to assure her, "I promise to respect you in the morning. This is just a reminder of how I can keep you happy." Kim's lips then went to work on the pale woman's throat.

Unnoticed by all in the house, the unfortunate Milt slumbered in the library. He had not been overlooked in the cleanup, rather he had been left in retribution.

The knocking on her door awakened Bonnie the next morning. "Go away," the brunette yelled.

"You're in the paper, I want to offer congratulations," came Shego's muffled voice.

"Offer them later!"

"Oh, I interrupted you _in flagrant delicto_?"

"NO!" Bonnie shouted.

"Was that 'no' at me," Shego asked, "or did Ron take my hint and try something naughty?"

"Ron doesn't take hints," Bonnie answered. "I should know."

"Well then, I'm coming in to confirm the newspaper story."

"The door is locked—" Bonnie began, then realized the thief didn't care. And the green woman had aroused Bonnie's curiosity. Had she received a nomination for some award?

Bonnie wrapped the sheet around her for decency, exposing somewhat more of Ron than Kim would have been comfortable with Shego seeing.

"So, the story is true," Shego grinned at the sight of the two.

"What story?" Ron demanded.

"Society page in this morning's paper," Shego answered, waving the newspaper at them. "Something about 'Bonnie Rockwaller, star on the soap opera Tomorrow is Another Day, announced her engagement yesterday to Ronald Stoppable. Mr. Stoppable is currently enrolled at University of Middleton."

A surprised look went across the faces of both Ron and Bonnie, "It's in the paper?"

"Well yeah, I just told you it was. So, Ron, when did you pop the question?"

"I didn't," he groaned.

"So the thing in the newspaper…?"

"I said it last night at the party," Bonnie explained. "I was tired of lesbians hitting on me. So I said Ron and I were engaged so I could get some peace."

Shego shook her head, "I was hoping for a better story than that."

"Not getting it," Bonnie responded. "Don't let the door hit your butt on the way out. And lock it behind you – I don't want Kasy or Sheki coming in while Ron is with me."

Shego left reluctantly. Ron turned to Bonnie, "So, what are we going to do about the announcement in the paper? You want to call and tell them it was a mistake?"

"I'm not going to call the paper. It would make me look bad to announce my engagement one day and call it off the next. You can call and say it was a mistake if you want."

"No way! Call and tell the paper I'm not engaged to the most beautiful woman in Middleton? No one thinks I'm the sharpest knife in the blender now. They'd commit me to the nut house. You call and tell them you were misquoted, you aren't engaged to me, you're enraged with me."

"I told you, I'm not going to call."

"Well, if you don't everyone is going to think we're engaged."

Bonnie raised one eyebrow, "And your point?"

Ron stared at her in shocked silence.

Bonnie laughed, "Tell me the beautiful part again."

He took her in his arms, "You're beautiful." He kissed her. "You're really beautiful." He kissed her again. "You're the most beautiful woman in the room." She tickled him as he kissed her again.

"I didn't tell you to stop," she scolded.

"You're never going to ask me to stop saying you're beautiful."

"And your point?"

"You asked Shego to lock the door behind her, didn't you?"

Bonnie nodded happily,_ "He's finally taking a hint."_

--The End--


End file.
